Questions…

Adoption, Faith, Inspiring Stories, Parenting, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

“Wouldn’t it be better to adopt children from the United States?”

“Isn’t it mean to take a child from their culture?”

“How can you adopt children who speak another language?”

“Isn’t it cheaper to adopt through foster care?”

“Don’t you already have four children?”

We have asked these same questions of ourselves…

Why, yes, it might be easier to adopt five children from the United States.

It is unfortunate that these children are leaving their country.

It would be more convenient if the children had English as their native tongue.

It would be cheaper to adopt five children through foster care in the U.S.

I do have four biological children.

But really, what is important here?  What really matters in the end? That we “take care of our own here in the US” or that we take care of God’s children?

Adoptees Worth it!

The fact of the matter is, these children have almost zero chance of being adopted in their own country, either singly (which would be devastating to these siblings who are intimately bonded to each other) or most certainly as a group of five.  As the Orphan Court Director said when told that a family wanted to adopt all five siblings, “no one here will do that.” In fact, it is rare for sibling groups this large to stay intact, here or abroad.

Adoptable vs unadoptable

It appears that some of the children probably have some developmental delays, further decreasing their chances of being adopted.  Worldwide adoption statistics show over and over that girls are preferred over boys, younger children are preferred over older children, and children without developmental delays are preferred over children with special needs. The facts are that these children have the odds stacked HUGELY against them! They have been held in an orphanage for three years already.  They have now been split apart and the statistics support the conclusion that the boys would probably stay there until they age out of the system. The entire sibling group would likely never be reunited in a family together.

AdoptionStats2013

And to answer the question, “why would anyone adopt from an orphanage versus the foster system, especially when adopting from the foster system here in the US would cost so much less money?” Well, I can only speak for myself, but I feel strongly that children were never, ever, meant to be raised in an institution. We are fortunate to live in a country that no longer has orphanages. As broken as our own foster care system may be, I feel that it is still better than living in an institution. However, there are more than 8 million children currently living in orphanages.  Georgette Mulheir, the Executive Officer of Lumos, gives these startling statistics about children who are raised in institutions:

“…children raised in orphanages are 10 times more likely to be involved in prostitution, 40 times more likely to have a criminal record and — shockingly — 500 times more likely to commit suicide.”

There are vast differences between institutions, some much, much better than others. However, in the end, they all lack what a child needs most – a family.

So for those who ask if it is it cruel to remove a child from his or her country, I would ask is it cruel to leave them in an institution or separated from their siblings when we have the ability and desire to reunite them as a family?

To those who ask if it is hard that they don’t speak English as their native language,  I would say that it is not nearly as hard as worrying about your siblings who have been taken away from you after already losing your parents.

In response to the question, “Is it expensive to adopt five children internationally?”  I would say reuniting siblings into a forever home of love is priceless.

In a perfect world there would be no need for orphanages, foster care, or adoption.  In a perfect world all children would have all of their needs met all of the time. Unfortunately, we live in a fallen world. I am inspired by the awareness of these problems and of organizations such as Lumos who are working towards changing the circumstances that lead to children being orphans in the first place, such as poverty and disabilities.  In her TED talk, Mulheir calls for “radical resource redistribution” that would channel the monies that are currently being used to fund orphanages into programs that would support birth parents and foster families, both financially and otherwise.  The only problem for my kiddos, is that change takes time.

So, why them? I don’t know why. Ask God.  He led us down this path. He whispered in our ears that these were the children we were to call our own.  He has convicted us countless times, in many ways, that this is indeed the path we are supposed to be walking.    We trust that He has a plan. He knows.  Maybe someday we will look back and understand why and maybe we will never know this side of Heaven. I honestly don’t know. But I do know that we have been called to these specific children.  I trust Him.

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20 thoughts on “Questions…”

  1. Christina I think what you are doing is great don’t let anyone tell you differently. I know so many have something to say about adoption and how it would be terrible if you got a sick child and that there angers me cause if they had a sick child born to them would they give them away because of the challenges they would have to endear, I hope to god not. I support you in what you are doing and if you need a helping hand let me know I will gladly help you! You go girl.

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    1. Thank you, Erica! It is interesting that you mention that because it’s EXACTLY the response my husband gave to me when we were discussing the realities of our future with new kiddos who we know have some delays…Even when you have your own child there are no guarantees, but we would still love them…the same applies here, we love them no matter what! 😉 Thanks for your support!

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  7. So beautifully told, Christina, and very well backed up with the graphs, pie charts, etc. The one line I can take away from this is that the thing a child needs is a FAMILY! A loving, family structure that teaches and prepares them for the world out there. And to have people to call mom and dad and sister and brother…Great post!

    Steve 🙂

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      1. You have a big heart and a compassionate and thoughtful mind. These are gifts to you, and probably your husband, from a loving God…

        Steve

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  8. I love this Christina! Great stuff! I think I used the same word you did there in our last conversation, it’s priceless. I did not know the statistics there of children raised in orphanages, but it wasn’t too surprising. Ugh, breaks my heart that children are raised outside of families. We are ABSOLUTELY called by God as his people to bring children out of the cold and into our homes. Love your thoughts here and love your bottom line: “But really, what is important here? What really matters in the end? That we “take care of our own here in the US” or that we take care of God’s children?” Amen!!

    So I have another question (sorry I keep bombarding you with questions!!)…could you maybe comment on some of the spiritual warfare you have dealt with during the adoption process? When my wife and I started doing short term fostering we definitely felt the increasd warfare and I was just curious if you had any experiences of your own?

    Also, love the Venn diagram you have of what “adoptable” vs “unadoptable.” That’s wonderful that you adopted the boys you were called to. That’s what we want to do.

    We support an orphanage in Moldova, which is one reason I brought up Moldova in our comments, and some of the information from there is that the kids on the street are very easily trafficked. Eastern Europe is a hotspot for sex trafficking and girls (and boys too) are too easily enslaved to it. Great post!!

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    1. Yes, sex trafficking is all too common, as is abuse within the orphanages and/or foster homes even. It happens here in the US as well, of course. The spiritual warfare is going to come, and in my opinion, come like you’ve not felt before. Of course it will. The enemy will do whatever he can to prevent these children from joining Godly homes. But we are called to storm the gates of hell, to leave the 99 for the 1, and to practice true religion of serving these children. I wrote a few posts about our battles and they continue… https://crazyloveparents.com/2016/06/29/the-battle/

      fear is a liar

      (Almost) Missed Blessings

      If at first you don’t succeed…

      Bearing with one another…


      I can’t tell you right now with certainty…it will NOT be easy. Adoption stems from trauma, from poverty of the worst kind, the loss of family. You WILL have troubles. But take heart–you know the rest…you know the end…He has overcome the world, and He will be with you every step of the way! 😍

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      1. Sex trafficking is quite bad in the US. It’s bad in our neck of the woods where we live because of several large interstates that run through our city. It’s horrible. Satan is at work destroying and causing chaos in these kids and women’s lives, but thankfully our Savior has overcome the world and Satan is a defeated foe. We just want to help rescue as many as we can now. Amen, we are called to leave the 99 for the 1. And there are a lot of sheep that are out there in the cold that need to be brought in and rescued from thew wolves. That’s very true about adoption, it does stem from trauma and we have to help with the restoration process through adoption. Good wisdom you have there, thank you!! I’ll read these posts a little later! Hope you have a good day Christina!

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