All posts by crazyloveparent

Unknown's avatar

About crazyloveparent

A homeschooling mamma to 9 beautiful children, four grew in my belly and five grew in my heart. www.crazyloveparents.com

To my 19 year old daughter

Faith, Inspiring Stories, Parenting, Photo Fun, , , , , , , , , , ,

My Dear Daughter,

There is much I want to say to you. I have so many hopes and dreams and fears for you; I can’t even begin to explain it all. But more than anything I want you to know

I BELIEVE IN YOU

I LOVE YOU

I WILL ALWAYS BE HERE FOR YOU, NO MATTER WHAT

I want to tell you that I DO remember being your age. I remember the feelings you probably have right now – wanting to grow up, assert your independence, have fun, and at the same time realizing what grown-up life is all about and sometimes feeling like maybe it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.

I want desperately to warn you about all the dangers and pitfalls in growing up – all the bad things I’ve seen, all the holes I’ve watched my friends fall into, and even the deep pits I found myself climbing out of time and again. I want to encourage you not to travel down some of the roads I went down at your age. I want to steer you where I would have chosen, if I could walk some paths over again. I want to spare you from making the same mistakes I made. I want you to know

YOU ARE VALUABLE

YOU ARE PRICELESS

YOU ARE A CHILD OF GOD

Ultimately, I know that sometimes you need to figure things out on your own. Sometimes you have to live and learn to truly understand. You have to try life on to see how it fits. Just promise me that while you are living and learning that you will

NEVER STAY STUCK

That you will always

Keep Moving FORWARD

Because, my love, I will warn you that life happens FAST. Every year of your life accelerates exponentially with time. If you have big dreams, GRAB THEM NOW! It will never get easier, there will never be a more perfect moment, than right now.

TRUST ME!

I have such dreams for you, baby girl! I know that you are called to so many wonderful things, and I am humbled that I get to stand by your side as your mom and watch you grow into young adulthood.

NOTHING CAN STOP YOU!

BE DETERMINED!

Set the life you want to live in motion NOW!

And don’t forget our “Family Rules” …

IMG_0951

And of course,

That I LOVE YOU,

And that I am

ALWAYS

                  HERE

                               For

                                        YOU!!!!!!!

!IMG_6397

Questions…

Adoption, Faith, Inspiring Stories, Parenting, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

“Wouldn’t it be better to adopt children from the United States?”

“Isn’t it mean to take a child from their culture?”

“How can you adopt children who speak another language?”

“Isn’t it cheaper to adopt through foster care?”

“Don’t you already have four children?”

We have asked these same questions of ourselves…

Why, yes, it might be easier to adopt five children from the United States.

It is unfortunate that these children are leaving their country.

It would be more convenient if the children had English as their native tongue.

It would be cheaper to adopt five children through foster care in the U.S.

I do have four biological children.

But really, what is important here?  What really matters in the end? That we “take care of our own here in the US” or that we take care of God’s children?

Adoptees Worth it!

The fact of the matter is, these children have almost zero chance of being adopted in their own country, either singly (which would be devastating to these siblings who are intimately bonded to each other) or most certainly as a group of five.  As the Orphan Court Director said when told that a family wanted to adopt all five siblings, “no one here will do that.” In fact, it is rare for sibling groups this large to stay intact, here or abroad.

Adoptable vs unadoptable

It appears that some of the children probably have some developmental delays, further decreasing their chances of being adopted.  Worldwide adoption statistics show over and over that girls are preferred over boys, younger children are preferred over older children, and children without developmental delays are preferred over children with special needs. The facts are that these children have the odds stacked HUGELY against them! They have been held in an orphanage for three years already.  They have now been split apart and the statistics support the conclusion that the boys would probably stay there until they age out of the system. The entire sibling group would likely never be reunited in a family together.

AdoptionStats2013

And to answer the question, “why would anyone adopt from an orphanage versus the foster system, especially when adopting from the foster system here in the US would cost so much less money?” Well, I can only speak for myself, but I feel strongly that children were never, ever, meant to be raised in an institution. We are fortunate to live in a country that no longer has orphanages. As broken as our own foster care system may be, I feel that it is still better than living in an institution. However, there are more than 8 million children currently living in orphanages.  Georgette Mulheir, the Executive Officer of Lumos, gives these startling statistics about children who are raised in institutions:

“…children raised in orphanages are 10 times more likely to be involved in prostitution, 40 times more likely to have a criminal record and — shockingly — 500 times more likely to commit suicide.”

There are vast differences between institutions, some much, much better than others. However, in the end, they all lack what a child needs most – a family.

So for those who ask if it is it cruel to remove a child from his or her country, I would ask is it cruel to leave them in an institution or separated from their siblings when we have the ability and desire to reunite them as a family?

To those who ask if it is hard that they don’t speak English as their native language,  I would say that it is not nearly as hard as worrying about your siblings who have been taken away from you after already losing your parents.

In response to the question, “Is it expensive to adopt five children internationally?”  I would say reuniting siblings into a forever home of love is priceless.

In a perfect world there would be no need for orphanages, foster care, or adoption.  In a perfect world all children would have all of their needs met all of the time. Unfortunately, we live in a fallen world. I am inspired by the awareness of these problems and of organizations such as Lumos who are working towards changing the circumstances that lead to children being orphans in the first place, such as poverty and disabilities.  In her TED talk, Mulheir calls for “radical resource redistribution” that would channel the monies that are currently being used to fund orphanages into programs that would support birth parents and foster families, both financially and otherwise.  The only problem for my kiddos, is that change takes time.

So, why them? I don’t know why. Ask God.  He led us down this path. He whispered in our ears that these were the children we were to call our own.  He has convicted us countless times, in many ways, that this is indeed the path we are supposed to be walking.    We trust that He has a plan. He knows.  Maybe someday we will look back and understand why and maybe we will never know this side of Heaven. I honestly don’t know. But I do know that we have been called to these specific children.  I trust Him.

Screen Shot 2015-01-21 at 11.37.11 AM

the paperchase

Adoption, Faith, Inspiring Stories, , , , , , ,

When I started this process I had NO IDEA what I was really getting myself into with regards to the paperwork. In fact, I didn’t even KNOW some of the terms that were being thrown around!

Dossier

Apostille

“Say what?  Are you speaking English?  I don’t know what you’re talking about?”

Thankfully, I have had the most loving, compassionate people take me by the hand and walk me through the very arduous process. It has truly been nothing less than a paper chase.

Let’s start with the in-country paperwork that is required.  The homestudy is done here in the US, and I remember being advised to find someone you like and trust to do the homestudy because when it’s all said and done, that social worker would know more about our family than anyone else.  That was a little intimidating! Since we live in a small town and are required to use a Hague Convention accredited agency, it left one choice.  Thankfully, our homestudy caseworker was amazingly wonderful and immediately put me at ease.

She quickly sent a stack of papers to complete to *begin* the process.  There were initial applications, medical clearance forms for us and our children and personal reference forms for employers, friends, family, and our pastor. She needed a complete listing of every address for both Joel and I, from the age of 18 years and on (that was a hard one!) so background checks could be processed in each location. She really wanted to know EVERYTHING!  There were PAGES of questions, very detailed, intimate questions.  We had to write a 3-4 paged, typed, autobiography of each of our lives. Financial statements, employment forms, and insurance verifications all were submitted.  And then there were assessments, online and on paper.

Once the homestudy paperwork was completed, our lovely caseworker came to visit.  She told me that her first visit would just be an “introduction”. I thought it would be short and sweet. HA!  It lasted three hours and entailed a complete tour of the home, which I was completely UNPREPARED for!  Of course I had picked up the common areas and the house was pretty clean, but….my bedroom?! You know, the last room of the house to ever be cleaned because no one goes in there but you?  And that day, of all days, it was the worst it had been in years! SERIOUSLY! The bed was unmade.  There was dirty laundry on the floor, clean laundry thrown on the bed, as well as the vacuum cleaner and Halloween bins that had been hastily shoved in there to get them out of the way. There were children’s books and blocks strewn across the floor and the bathroom vanity was littered with papers, books, and miscellaneous stuff (why do Legos , cars and marbles always find their way into my bathroom?) I was SO EMBARRASSED!  I quickly said, “Oh, I didn’t realize you were going to be touring today, ha ha ha!”  Then as we walked toward the bedroom, I apologized profusely for the messiness.  I thought, “well, here it is, this is how we really live!”  She was quite graceful and told us how she is more concerned when she goes into a house that has everything perfectly in its place – thank goodness! She came for a few more, quite long visits, to ask endless questions of me, my husband, and our children, and then she began her own long process of writing our 15 page homestudy.

Screen Shot 2015-01-21 at 11.32.49 PM

The dossier, which I came to learn is just a fancy word that basically means “a collection of documents”, is a HUGE collection of documents that the other country requires to adopt.  It includes our homestudy as well as a ton of other papers such as the adoption petition, doctor’s reports (which of course, were not the same reports that were required by the homestudy), police clearance reports, autobiographies (again, these needed to be of a different length and address some different things than required for the homestudy), marriage certificates, passport copies, requests to bring the children back with us after the first visit, and several powers of attorney.  Most of these documents needed to be created ourselves, following very strict guidelines.  Here is the “Dossier Guidelines” packet we received to walk us through the process, as well as the “Quick Reference Guide” to make sure we had everything.  Daunting?  A little. (Ohhh – and I forgot to mention that each and every single document that was created for the dossier needed to be an original copy, with original signatures, IN TRIPLICATE!)

dossier guide dossier quick guide

And THEN, after allllllll of that paper collecting, I had a stack of papers that looked like this.

dossierb4

You would think that I would be done, right?  Wrong!  Now every single original document, in triplicate, needed to be notarized and then apostilled. I learned another new word!  Basically, this is a way for Hague Convention countries to “easily” certify official documents and have them accepted in other convention countries.  We were very fortunate that our Secretary of State allows us to walk in and apostille documents on the spot, for only $1 per document (which is MUCH easier and cheaper than many other places). Thank goodness, because we had 65 documents that needed to be apostilled!  The Secretary of State verifies the notary’s signature on the documents and then “seals” them by adding a cover page with the appropriate information, a fancy gold seal on the bottom as well as another gold seal folded over the top of the paper(s).

WHEW!  So once THAT was finally finished, I had an immense stack of papers (I just added 65 more pages to the stack with the cover sheets from the Secretary of State).

dossierphotoCan I just say, that is the most beautiful stack of papers I have ever laid eyes on?!  I could have cried.  Okay, I did cry. I can’t even explain the feeling I had as that last seal was placed on those papers. Such a relief. Such a release. Such anticipation for being one step closer to bringing our children home forever. THANK YOU GOD!

How do you do it?

Adoption, Faith, Inspiring Stories, Parenting, Photo Fun, , , , , , , , , , , ,

“How do you do it?”

This is probably the question that is asked the most.

“How do you decide to adopt five siblings all at once?”

My only true answer is, “by the grace of God.” God is orchestrating this story, not us, we are only trying to obey in this crazy journey of love. Selfless love. Love as a verb. Agape.

How? How did I end up writing this story? When did buying bananas three bunches at a time become normal? I almost forget that just a short time ago this would have seemed absurd had someone told me that I would be doing these things today.

But as I reflect, if someone had told me 10 years ago that an unknown janitor would lead me, a die-hard atheist, back to church, and that I would come to believe with all my heart, mind, and soul that the Lord Almighty is the creator of Heaven and Earth, and that I myself, by the grace of God, would be given the gift of the Holy Spirit driving my heart for His Kingdom, I would have thought they were crazy! When did it become possible that I would be thought worthy enough to be called a child of God, much less a mother to nine children? How did this happen? But isn’t that how journeys are? Hindsight is always 20/20. At the start of a new journey you can’t see where the road will end. You don’t even realize the lessons you are learning until you look back.

As I look back, I see the lessons that I am learning that surround this Greek word, “agape”. Agape is defined as “selfless, sacrificial, unconditional love, the highest of the four types of love in the Bible.” As John tells us in 1 John 4:8b: God is love. It’s as simple and as hard as that. God is love. We are called to love. We are called to agape. And agape has nothing to do with emotion. It’s not the warm, fuzzy feeling you have for your loved one (although that can accompany it). It is a deliberate action. It is a choice. It is a principle we try to live our lives around. Selfless love in action.

Whatever gift you have been given, use it. Whatever talents you have, employ them. Whatever you have been blessed with, use it to bless others. Do your part. Live with purpose. Love deliberately.  Take a leap of faith! Stretch yourself! TRUST GOD! Know that God is with you. He will never leave you nor forsake you.

For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.     -2 Timothy 1:7

BE BOLD!

Stretch yourself and give thanks in all things, ALL things, the good and the bad. It is often through suffering that we are shaped and molded into who God is calling us to be. This process is not always easy. It asks us to move beyond our comfort zone.

Is this achieved by living in our own little bubble, predictable and perfectly planned, safe, isolated and surrounded by others who think and act exactly as we do? Or are we more like Christ when we are asked to stretch ourselves and we are called to reach out to someone who is different? Someone who may have dirty hands, or torn clothes, or smells of booze? Are we more like Christ when we are asked to tuck in our own child at bed tonight, or when we are pushed beyond our comfort level to tuck in a child at night that is not ours and may not even appreciate our hug goodnight?

And when? When do we make this leap of faith? When do we accept the calling that God has for us? When we have it all together? Right after we finish having children? After the house is sold? When we graduate? As soon as we pay off our debt? Let me say – there will never be the perfect time! God’s time is the perfect time. Listen to what He is telling you. Ask Him to clue you in.  He promises that if we sincerely ask, we will receive, if we seek, we shall find, if we knock, the door will be opened (Luke 11:9).

And then we have to trust and obey. We have to remember that if He brings you to it, He will bring you through it. God does not fail. I am reminded of the story of the apostles being persecuted for performing miracles and preaching about Jesus. They are brought before the Sanhedrin to explain why they continue to preach about Jesus when they have been forbidden to do so. As the Pharisees are discussing the situation amongst themselves, one Pharisee very astutely reminds them all that if the apostles actions are of men, they will eventually fail, but if they are truly from God, then they will never fail.

But if it is from God, you will not be able to stop these men; you will only find yourselves fighting against God. — Acts 5:39

I never want to fight against God. I have opened myself up to God’s perfect plans, instead of my own. I have asked God to use me in whatever way He has planned. I want to be His hands and feet in this world. I want to love as He loves. He has faithfully shown me the path to these five children. I would never have put myself here, but as I look back over all the years I see the pattern emerging. I can begin to connect the dots.

Does this mean that it’s easy? NO! Does it mean that I am always at peace with His plans for my family? Absolutely not! Does it mean we have it all figured out, nice and neat, with a ten-year plan? I wish! But I am comforted with the fact that Jesus himself pleaded with His Father at Gethsemane before His terrible suffering on the cross, “Father – if there is any other way!” (Matthew 26:39) God is big enough to handle my doubts, my questions, my fears. He tells me to cast my anxieties on Him (1 Peter 5:7). And that is what I am learning to do.

Romans8-28

I often find myself repeating, sometimes several times a day, “God, I am trusting You when I remember Your promise that You work all things for the good of those who love you.” So as I break up yet another fight over who gets control of the mega nerf gun I again pray this prayer, “God, make this work for the good of all these boys here. Turn this fighting into something that will benefit them all in the end. May these grumblings work to bring about an eternal knowledge of selflessness, sharing, unconditional love of others – agape.”

I remind myself that, IF WE LET HIM, He can take all things and work them for good. He doesn’t need us to be perfect. He doesn’t want us when we have it all together. He wants us now. He wants us to ask, to be willing, to participate. He wants us to start moving so that he can push us along a little more, a little further. He wants us to love as an action. As James tells us in the Bible, faith without deeds is dead. Love as a verb. Agape.

I went into this adoption with the mindset that I was rescuing these little ones for God’s kingdom, but the truth is, they are rescuing me. Rescuing me from my own selfishness, my own desires, my own pursuit of happiness and turning my heart towards His Kingdom, His desires, His righteousness.

And so to answer, “How do you do it?”

The answer would be,

“I don’t. God does.”

It is truly only through His love that has been poured into my heart, through the power of the Holy Spirit, that I am able to pour that love back into the lives of His children. (Romans 5:5).

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and he will make your paths straight. — Proverbs 3:5

Not me, but Him…