Tag Archives: God’s calling

Interview Questions with Tiny Green Elephants (from our first two hostings)

As I prepare to leave tomorrow to Latvia to finalize the immigration process for my kiddos,  I thought it would be fun to take a look back at our experience after the first two (of four) hostings. I know many people wonder what that looks like. Well–wonder no more, here you go!!!

Tiny Green Elephants did a “Look into Orphan Hosting” post highlighting our family’s hosting experience.

  1. What made you want to host an orphan and how did your family feel?

I have always had a soft spot in my heart for those who don’t have a home. Growing up my parents were an excellent example of unconditional love. As a child, we always had someone living with us, usually one of my older brother’s friends who had been kicked out of their house for whatever reason. My mom’s heart had no boundaries and she would take in whoever needed a loving home.

My husband and I would often talk about our desire to adopt. Over the past few years we began opening our own home to others. It began when a dear friend of mine needed respite care for a boy from Burkina Faso they were hosting on a medical mission. After this, we took in my daughter’s friend who had been kicked out of his parent’s and grandparent’s house, and was six months shy of graduating from high school. He stayed until he successfully graduated high school and got a job. From there we took in my 20 year old niece who stayed with us a year and gained her driver’s license for the first time, got her first job and first apartment. Most recently, we opened our home two different times to adult friends who were struggling. We said goodbye to the second friend just days before our host boys arrived. We truly feel that GOD led each and every one of these people into our lives, just as we believe that GOD has led us to this specific group of children.

I remember the day I saw a post about the P143 hosting program, and the more I read, the more I felt led that this was what we were supposed to do.

I sat with my oldest boy, looking though the photo listings of children. We came upon a group of five siblings. The oldest was in the back with his arms stretched around the large group. The listing said that the director called it a milestone that the oldest agreed to talk to the interview team about hosting, and that he was a good boy, in need of healing, who had been in the caretaker position for too long. That was evident to me from this photo. That young boy had the weight of the world on his shoulders trying to keep his siblings together and safe. That struck a chord deep in my heart, and I kept thinking to myself, “here’s this boy, finally brave enough to try hosting, and he’s unlikely to get chosen because he’s in a group of five.” I also noticed a sweet, playful, slightly mischievous looking littlest boy in the picture who reminded me of my own “joyful” child. I prayed, and I was convicted that these children were the ones.

IMG_7040

My children were immediately on board, but I knew it was going to be a stretch for my husband. I was honestly surprised that my husband, after thoughtful consideration and prayer, agreed. In a way I thought there was no way he would agree to this. So to me, the fact that he did, was a sign from God that this was the right thing to do.

As for the rest of our extended family and friends, it was a slower process. We fielded a lot of questions about why we would spend so much money on children we didn’t know, wouldn’t it be mean to bring these children into our homes and then send them back to an orphanage, how would we communicate with them since they didn’t speak English, what about the safety of our own children, etc. We always brought these concerns to God and He continued to calm our hearts and our fears, and comforted us that we were on the right path.

  1. What were your feelings and preparations before you Hosted?

Before we hosted I had a lot of excitement and anticipation of their arrival. I couldn’t wait! Yet at the same time, I had moments of “WHAT AM I DOING?!” Those were usually the times when my own three boys were driving me bonkers and I would let fear take over and convince me that I couldn’t possibly handle three more boys. (however, through this process, I have learned that fear is a liar!)

There were a lot of preparations. We had to set up our guest room with three twin beds and come up with clothing for three more boys, of which I wasn’t sure exactly what size they would be. Friends were awesome and the hand-me-downs poured in. The only things we really ended up buying were beds, socks, underwear, and shoes! I also began studying the culture and learning some of the language of the country.

  1. Share with us some of your hosting experiences, what was it like day-to-day. What stands out to you as really special.

I remembered the advice to live your life normally (as possible) during your hosting period. The point was to immerse these children into a loving, home environment, not fill their every waking moment with extravagant vacations and trips to the toy store. Perhaps also because we were adoption minded, we truly tried to allow them to join our family as it is, in all its imperfections, and all its day-to-day delights.

It. Was. Awesome!

IMG_2145

Our day-to-day experiences were pretty normal, just amplified times three boys. What does that mean?

Well, it was louder, and dirtier, and, um, stinkier. But we also had more smiles, more shouts of glee, and more joy. Ohhh and bandaids, we went through a lot of band-aids.

The bedtime routines stand out to me as the most special. The boys clearly loved this special time of gathering together as a family at the end of the night, praying together, bedtime hugs and snuggles, and being tucked in at night. They quickly began to pray with us, and the prayers they would pray touched my heart deeply. Things like, “thank you God for mom and dad who loves ALL boys”.

IMG_2014

I asked one of the boys during the second hosting trip what their favorite part of coming to the US was, and I was pleasantly surprised with his answer. It wasn’t what one might expect from a child (playing with new toys, getting Christmas presents, etc.) It was this–

“Prayers. We don’t pray at orphanage. Here we pray with food and bedtime. I like. And hugs and kisses goodnight. No hugs and kisses goodnight at orphanage. Never. Here-always.”

IMG_1704

Breaks. My. Heart. That’s what these children wanted and needed and appreciated.

God. Love.

IMG_7954

4. What were some of the highlights of hosting? Why? What were some of the hard parts?

Beyond what I described above, another highlight for me was when the oldest, 12 years old, began calling me mom. The younger two started that right away (even though we didn’t introduce ourselves with that) they seemed to follow suit with our own children, but it took the older one a bit to let his guard down.

DSCN4538

The language barrier was difficult, especially at first. We craved to have long, deep conversations with them; that was just impossible to do in the beginning. However, I must point out how truly fast children pick up another language.

Between trips their English skills exploded. By trip two, we didn’t need google translate and we felt that we were able to carry on conversations using simple English. The hardest part of the language barrier remained that we had three siblings who all spoke this other language better than us, so when they would argue it was too much, too fast, for us to be able to understand what was being said.

Then, of course, the very hardest part is saying good-bye to these children that we had fallen in love with, worrying about them while they are away, and trying to parent them from a distance.

IMG_1197

5. How has hosting changed your life? Or the life of your hosted child?

Hosting has absolutely changed my life. I quickly found that WE were the ones changing for the better, that WE were being blessed beyond measure from knowing and loving these boys. We became LESS SELFISH. We became MORE PATIENT. We became MORE LOVING. We were more conscious that the words coming out of our mouths reflected light.

IMG_1520

Was it easy? NO. Was it loud? YES. Was it worth it?

ABSOLUTELY!

IMG_1925

For all the work that it takes to raise six boys every day, we also enjoyed some of the most PEACEFUL, JOYOUS, and LOVING moments of our lives!

We have decided to adopt the three boys…and their two sisters who were too young to be hosted, to keep them all together and bring them into a forever home filled with love for them, kisses, prayers and the ability to be kids. The two sisters who we have yet to meet (and have been separated from their brothers since they were moved to foster care shortly before the boys came to the US the first time), we hope to reunite together with their brothers in a forever family of love.

DSCN4544

I can’t wait for that day!

And I honestly believe that even if we weren’t adoption minded, that we would have changed the lives of those three boys for better by showing them the love of Jesus and by immersing them in a loving household during their hosting trips.

The Battle

 

2 My child, when you come to serve the Lord,
prepare yourself for testing.—  Ecclesiasticus 2:1

TheBattle

This past year has been full of fiery trials for our family in many ways. Our adoption process, which had been flying by at lightning speeds, had slowed to a snail’s pace as we learned that the kids were on different timelines and the youngest boy’s father’s rights were not terminated with his siblings and would take much longer to process. We had a move to a new city, which entailed buying and selling homes, moving furniture, and sooooo many boxes. Unexpectedly, we suffered four unrelated deaths within our extended family.

In the midst of all this, we got the call we had been waiting for — ALL the children were free for adoption!!!  Except that it came with a “but”…but, the oldest (now 14)  was unsure he wanted to be adopted (after writing on paper during hosting #1 “I no go back”). He said he loved our family and wanted to continue to visit, but the teenager he had grown into wasn’t sure he wanted to leave his friends and new girlfriend behind.

Imagine proposing to someone you really love and think will be really excited to marry you, and then they say “no”. 

I think it felt similar to that.

As we processed through that, my knee locked up on me and I was sent off to undergo an unplanned knee scope. Normally this would be no big deal for most, but for my already bad knee – well – let’s just say I’m still not back to pre-surgery state. Following this, my own mother began suffering with some serious health issues. Then days before we had to finalize our decision and process many adoption fees someone hacked into our online bank accounts, made money transfers, and stole thousands of dollars.

THE BATTLE IS REAL!

satanis

I feel like I started the year off strong. Despite the changes and difficulties, I was able to keep God in focus. Yet, with each new circumstance that occurred, I felt myself weakening, slowing and tiring. It was honestly EXHAUSTING.

It seems when I am physically tired, I am often spiritually tired as well.

I am sure that I was an easy target for the devil.  Those mornings when it is SO hard to pull myself out of bed, he is whispering in my ear, “you can’t even keep up with the laundry you have, you will never be able to do it with more!”

And when you’re tired, or lonely, or grieving, or stressed out, it is SO easy to believe those lies. 

Satan is the father of lies. He wants to replace your FAITH with FEAR.

And fear is a LIAR!

Interestingly, I just read in my devotional the other day,

“Fear is dangerous to your hope and means your trust in God has failed.”

As soon as I read it I called my husband over to read it as well. That is EXACTLY what happened!!!  THAT was it!  I saw it coming a year ago. I wrote my last post to that effect. I felt the fear coming. I KNEW what we were supposed to do. I KNEW the right answers. I KNEW we were to trust in the Lord and make our FAITH bigger than our fear.

Yet, I let tiredness, sadness, doubt, and mistrust creep inside instead.

And it was ugly.

It contracted. It pulled in. It withdrew. It withered my heart, my love, and robbed me of my  joy.  I went through the motions, but I wasn’t ME.

While we were stalled with our adoption we started to hear rumors about our hosting program and agency worker. We started to doubt all the money we had spent on hosting and adoption thus far, especially as the decision to host FIVE kiddos again this summer (which meant insane hosting fees for the fifth time and no closer to adoption)  was looming over head because we still didn’t have a referral. We wondered if the kids were never adopted, was this the best use of our resources in caring for orphans. We started to listen to what the world was telling us and not what God had been telling us from the beginning.

Maybe this WAS a dumb idea.

Maybe we SHOULDN’T be spending so much money on this. 

Life would be SO MUCH EASIER if we just kept the status quo.

Thankfully, I have some wonderful, faithful friends who talked me through my thoughts. Friends who got down on their knees and prayed for us.  Friends who sent Bible verses and songs in perfect timing. Friends who gave us wise advice.

My friend, Michelle, gave me the best piece of advice that really changed the way I thought about everything. She said,

“It is OK to have righteous anger towards people or processes that are unethical, but it is NOT OKAY TO FEAR.”

My own words back to me.  Fear is a liar.

We are not to fear.

And that was EXACTLY what was happening.  The fear was eating me up. I let it consume me. It WAS dangerous to my hope. The fear consumed my hope and my loss of hope meant my trust in God had failed. And if I was honest with myself, my trust in God had failed.

Our official referral for the kiddos FINALLY came on Friday the 13th of May, nonetheless. We were forced to make a final decision within two weeks.  Of course, satan would use those two weeks to wage an all-out war on our family.  He would separate us by distance, as I had to travel with my mom to medical appointments six hours away. He would attack our finances with identity theft. However, God ALWAYS wins. He is ALWAYS victorious.

He will ALWAYS find a way to speak to our heart, mind and soul if we let Him.

God began to speak to me through friends, songs,  Bible verses, and perfectly timed sermons. One of the most convicting sermons was given to us just two days after we got our referral. Pastor Luis Martinez came from Impacto Ministry and the majority of his sermon was describing their mission in Guatemala.  The last 15 minutes or so he spent in a short sermon he called Stepping out of the Boat.

Staying-in-the-boat-is-easy-but-requires

His four point sermon was this:

  1. Faith takes us to the point where we need to make decisions that involve BIG RISK.
  2. Faith takes us to the starting point of long journeys.
  3. Faith takes us to the point of waiting for the impossible.
  4. Faith takes us to the point of giving everything you have.

WOW. That should have been enough, but it wasn’t. Thankfully, God continued to convict.

Right before leaving for my mom’s medical appointments, my mom and I were blessed to be able to attend a women’s retreat together, which helped revive my faith. Phillip Yancy spoke about the seasons of our faith life. Yes- I had been in one LONG winter season. The good news though?  I was about to spring forth anew!  At the retreat, I prayed with a wonderful woman in the prayer room who quickly did the “Spiritual War” scene with me on scrap paper. As she was going though it, I thought “yes, I know this already, but my question is should we adopt the children or not? ” DUH- I may have understood what she was writing, but I didn’t even realize then that was the battle going on in my own heart!

SpiritualWar

That night, because I had spoke in the prayer room about my blog and knowing I wasn’t supposed to fear, I was convicted to go back and read through my blog. It had been set to private about a year ago and I hadn’t touched it since. As I read through those posts I thought to myself, “who is that girl?” It was just as if God knew I would need to read those words again. It was as if He had me write to myself for this specific moment in time. God is so creative!

Once I had read those words, I had to ask myself, do I believe them? Do I believe what I wrote a year ago? I trusted him wholeheartedly when I had written those posts…did I still trust Him?Do-I-trust-God
And in those moments that I first asked that question of myself, the honest answer was, I don’t know. It took time, honest prayer and reflection.

My husband actually caught me off guard by giving me his “yes” the night before I was leaving for my mom’s doctor appointments. I certainly felt like I was leaning more towards “yes” and that he was leaning more towards “no”.  I was in bed early that night as I wasn’t feeling well, and he came in and when I woke a little, he said, “honey, tell our agency yes.” It should have been a wonderfully joyous time, but instead I was struck with fear. Why was I fearing?

God finally convicted me undeniably in the middle of a Cracker Barrel store. It took driving hours in a silent car with my parents who love to read, praying continually the entire time, to finally hear in my heart loud and clear, DO NOT FEAR — I AM WITH YOU!

My parents and I were getting hungry after driving several hours in our silent car together, so we decided to pull over to get something to eat. As I was walking into the Cracker Barrel, still praying “God lead us”, which is essentially what I had been praying continually for the past 2 1/2 hours, the first thing my eyes focused on was a large bag that said

justbebrave

It caught me off guard as I looked around and was encouraged by all the inspirational, Christian items everywhere. My eyes were drawn to a nautical display (my blog uses “God as  our anchor” and we were just encouraged by the stepping out of the boat sermon). There was a sign that lit up that said

hopeanchor

Where was my HOPE?

IMG_8902

At that very moment, my dear friend Jen texted me some verses she had told me earlier in the day she would find for me. Of course God would have her use that moment in time to text me back, crying in the middle of the Cracker Barrel store, to continue to convict me.

JentextJen2text

I admitted to her that I WAS SO AFRAID!  That is what it was!  That fear of the unknown! I looked down and saw a nautical themed devotional. I had a little conversation with God. I said, “God, if you REALLY and TRULY want me to ‘just be brave’ and to ‘hope’ again, then I am going to open this devotional to today’s date, and it will absolutely, without question make complete sense. If you do not want us to move forward, if you want us to stop, then this entry will be completely off topic” I furiously flipped to May 26th and as I read the title, the tears free flowed.

Courage to Change

courage to change

Yes. Did I have the courage to change? I was so very fearful of change! Yet – we had always said, we have the ability to take in these children and change their lives for the better. Now the question really was:

Did we have the courage to step out of the boat?

I knew after reading that devotional that my answer was YES. As I was walking to pay before leaving, just to make sure that I indeed got it, God set my eyes on the following cup:

cupProverbs 31:25

When we first step out of the boat we have to overcome our initial fear. Peter did it – he stepped out of the boat onto water. But that doesn’t mean that we will never fall into the water!

From Matthew 14:29-30

29 “Come,” he said.

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 30 But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”

31 Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”

I got out of the boat. Then the wind came and I was frozen with fear. I began to sink, but I forgot to earnestly cry out to the Lord to save me. Yet, He is relentless. He kept on pursuing me. And as soon as I cried out to Him with all of my heart, mind and soul, “Lord, help me!” He reached out His hand and caught me and reminded me to have

Faith

Hope

and Love.

 

I feel like myself again.

Thank you, Jesus. When I step out onto the waters, when I trust in You, when I let my heart beat for You, then I am able to laugh without fear of the future.   May we always trust in You Lord, in good times and bad.

 

 

 

 

 

Interview Questions with Tiny Green Elephants

Tiny Green Elephants did a “Look into Orphan Hosting” post highlighting our family’s hosting experience.

  1. What made you want to host an orphan and how did your family feel?

I have always had a soft spot in my heart for those who don’t have a home. Growing up my parents were an excellent example of unconditional love. As a child, we always had someone living with us, usually one of my older brother’s friends who had been kicked out of their house for whatever reason. My mom’s heart had no boundaries and she would take in whoever needed a loving home.

My husband and I would often talk about our desire to adopt. Over the past few years we began opening our own home to others. It began when a dear friend of mine needed respite care for a boy from Burkina Faso they were hosting on a medical mission. After this, we took in my daughter’s friend who had been kicked out of his parent’s and grandparent’s house, and was six months shy of graduating from high school. He stayed until he successfully graduated high school and got a job. From there we took in my 20 year old niece who stayed with us a year and gained her driver’s license for the first time, got her first job and first apartment. Most recently, we opened our home two different times to adult friends who were struggling. We said goodbye to the second friend just days before our host boys arrived. We truly feel that GOD led each and every one of these people into our lives, just as we believe that GOD has led us to this specific group of children.

I remember the day I saw a post about the P143 hosting program, and the more I read, the more I felt led that this was what we were supposed to do.

I sat with my oldest boy, looking though the photo listings of children. We came upon a group of five siblings. The oldest was in the back with his arms stretched around the large group. The listing said that the director called it a milestone that the oldest agreed to talk to the interview team about hosting, and that he was a good boy, in need of healing, who had been in the caretaker position for too long. That was evident to me from this photo. That young boy had the weight of the world on his shoulders trying to keep his siblings together and safe. That struck a chord deep in my heart, and I kept thinking to myself, “here’s this boy, finally brave enough to try hosting, and he’s unlikely to get chosen because he’s in a group of five.” I also noticed a sweet, playful, slightly mischievous looking littlest boy in the picture who reminded me of my own “joyful” child. I prayed, and I was convicted that these children were the ones.

IMG_7040

My children were immediately on board, but I knew it was going to be a stretch for my husband. I was honestly surprised that my husband, after thoughtful consideration and prayer, agreed. In a way I thought there was no way he would agree to this. So to me, the fact that he did, was a sign from God that this was the right thing to do.

As for the rest of our extended family and friends, it was a slower process. We fielded a lot of questions about why we would spend so much money on children we didn’t know, wouldn’t it be mean to bring these children into our homes and then send them back to an orphanage, how would we communicate with them since they didn’t speak English, what about the safety of our own children, etc. We always brought these concerns to God and He continued to calm our hearts and our fears, and comforted us that we were on the right path.

  1. What were your feelings and preparations before you Hosted?

Before we hosted I had a lot of excitement and anticipation of their arrival. I couldn’t wait! Yet at the same time, I had moments of “WHAT AM I DOING?!” Those were usually the times when my own three boys were driving me bonkers and I would let fear take over and convince me that I couldn’t possibly handle three more boys. (however, through this process, I have learned that fear is a liar!)

There were a lot of preparations. We had to set up our guest room with three twin beds and come up with clothing for three more boys, of which I wasn’t sure exactly what size they would be. Friends were awesome and the hand-me-downs poured in. The only things we really ended up buying were beds, socks, underwear, and shoes! I also began studying the culture and learning some of the language of the country.

  1. Share with us some of your hosting experiences, what was it like day-to-day. What stands out to you as really special.

I remembered the advice to live your life normally (as possible) during your hosting period. The point was to immerse these children into a loving, home environment, not fill their every waking moment with extravagant vacations and trips to the toy store. Perhaps also because we were adoption minded, we truly tried to allow them to join our family as it is, in all its imperfections, and all its day-to-day delights.

It. Was. Awesome!

IMG_2145

Our day-to-day experiences were pretty normal, just amplified times three boys. What does that mean?

Well, it was louder, and dirtier, and, um, stinkier. But we also had more smiles, more shouts of glee, and more joy. Ohhh and bandaids, we went through a lot of band-aids.

 

The bedtime routines stand out to me as the most special. The boys clearly loved this special time of gathering together as a family at the end of the night, praying together, bedtime hugs and snuggles, and being tucked in at night. They quickly began to pray with us, and the prayers they would pray touched my heart deeply. Things like, “thank you God for mom and dad who loves ALL boys”.

IMG_2014

I asked one of the boys during the second hosting trip what their favorite part of coming to the US was, and I was pleasantly surprised with his answer. It wasn’t what one might expect from a child (playing with new toys, getting Christmas presents, etc.) It was this–

“Prayers. We don’t pray at orphanage. Here we pray with food and bedtime. I like. And hugs and kisses goodnight. No hugs and kisses goodnight at orphanage. Never. Here-always.”

IMG_1704

Breaks. My. Heart. That’s what these children wanted and needed and appreciated.

God. Love.

IMG_7954

4. What were some of the highlights of hosting? Why? What were some of the hard parts?

Beyond what I described above, another highlight for me was when the oldest, 12 years old, began calling me mom. The younger two started that right away (even though we didn’t introduce ourselves with that) they seemed to follow suit with our own children, but it took the older one a bit to let his guard down.

DSCN4538

The language barrier was difficult, especially at first. We craved to have long, deep conversations with them; that was just impossible to do in the beginning. However, I must point out how truly fast children pick up another language.

Between trips their English skills exploded. By trip two, we didn’t need google translate and we felt that we were able to carry on conversations using simple English. The hardest part of the language barrier remained that we had three siblings who all spoke this other language better than us, so when they would argue it was too much, too fast, for us to be able to understand what was being said.

Then, of course, the very hardest part is saying good-bye to these children that we had fallen in love with, worrying about them while they are away, and trying to parent them from a distance.

IMG_1197

5. How has hosting changed your life? Or the life of your hosted child?

Hosting has absolutely changed my life. I quickly found that WE were the ones changing for the better, that WE were being blessed beyond measure from knowing and loving these boys. We became LESS SELFISH. We became MORE PATIENT. We became MORE LOVING. We were more conscious that the words coming out of our mouths reflected light.

IMG_1520

Was it easy? NO. Was it loud? YES. Was it worth it?

ABSOLUTELY!

IMG_1925

For all the work that it takes to raise six boys every day, we also enjoyed some of the most PEACEFUL, JOYOUS, and LOVING moments of our lives!

We have decided to adopt the three boys…and their two sisters who were too young to be hosted, to keep them all together and bring them into a forever home filled with love for them, kisses, prayers and the ability to be kids. The two sisters who we have yet to meet (and have been separated from their brothers since they were moved to foster care shortly before the boys came to the US the first time), we hope to reunite together with their brothers in a forever family of love.

DSCN4544

I can’t wait for that day!

And I honestly believe that even if we weren’t adoption minded, that we would have changed the lives of those three boys for better by showing them the love of Jesus and by immersing them in a loving household during their hosting trips.

Questions…

Wouldn’t it be better to adopt children from the United States?”

“Isn’t it mean to take a child from their culture?”

“How can you adopt children who speak another language?”

“Isn’t it cheaper to adopt through foster care?”

“Don’t you already have four children?”

We have asked these same questions of ourselves…

Why, yes, it might be easier to adopt five children from the United States.

It is unfortunate that these children are leaving their country.

It would be more convenient if the children had English as their native tongue.

It would be cheaper to adopt five children through foster care in the U.S.

I do have four biological children.

But really, what is important here?  What really matters in the end? That we “take care of our own here in the US” or that we take care of God’s children?

Adoptees Worth it!

The fact of the matter is, these children have almost zero chance of being adopted in their own country, either singly (which would be devastating to these siblings who are intimately bonded to each other) or most certainly as a group of five.  As the Orphan Court Director said when told that a family wanted to adopt all five siblings, “no one here will do that.” In fact, it is rare for sibling groups this large to stay intact, here or abroad.

Adoptable vs unadoptable

The three oldest are boys, and there are some developmental delays, further decreasing their chances of being adopted.  Worldwide adoption statistics show over and over that girls are preferred over boys, younger children are preferred over older children, and children without developmental delays are preferred over children with special needs. The facts are that these children have the odds stacked HUGELY against them! They have been held in an orphanage for three years already.  They have now been split apart and the statistics support the conclusion that the boys would probably stay there until they age out of the system. The entire sibling group would never be reunited in a family together.

AdoptionStats2013

And to answer the question, “why would anyone adopt from an orphanage versus the foster system, especially when adopting from the foster system here in the US would cost so much less money?” Well, I can only speak for myself, but I feel strongly that children were never, ever, meant to be raised in an institution. We are fortunate to live in a country that no longer has orphanages. As broken as our own foster care system may be, I feel that it is still better than living in an institution. However, there are more than 8 million children currently living in orphanages.  Georgette Mulheir, the Executive Officer of Lumos, gives these startling statistics about children who are raised in institutions:

“…children raised in orphanages are 10 times more likely to be involved in prostitution, 40 times more likely to have a criminal record and — shockingly — 500 times more likely to commit suicide.”

There are vast differences between institutions, some much, much better than others. However, in the end, they all lack what a child needs most – a family.

So for those who ask if it is it cruel to remove a child from his or her country, I would ask is it cruel to leave them in an institution or separated from their siblings when we have the ability and desire to reunite them as a family?

To those who ask if it is hard that they don’t speak English as their native language,  I would say that it is not nearly as hard as worrying about your siblings who haven been taken away from you after already losing your parents.

In response to the question, “Is it expensive to adopt five children internationally?”  I would say reuniting siblings into a forever home of love is priceless.

In a perfect world there would be no need for orphanages, foster care, or adoption.  In a perfect world all children would have all of their needs met all of the time. Unfortunately, we live in a fallen world. I am inspired by the awareness of these problems and of organizations such as Lumos who are working towards changing the circumstances that lead to children being orphans in the first place, such as poverty and disabilities.  In her TED talk, Mulheir calls for “radical resource redistribution” that would channel the monies that are currently being used to fund orphanages into programs that would support birth parents and foster families, both financially and otherwise.  The only problem for my kiddos, is that change takes time.

So, why them? I don’t know why. Ask God.  He led us down this path. He whispered in our ears that these were the children we were to call our own.  He has convicted us countless times, in many ways, that this is indeed the path we are supposed to be walking.    We trust that He has a plan. He knows.  Maybe someday we will look back and understand why and maybe we will never know this side of Heaven. I honestly don’t know. But I do know that we have been called to these specific children.  I trust Him.

Screen Shot 2015-01-21 at 11.37.11 AM

How do you do it?

“How do you do it?”

This is probably the question that is asked the most.

“How do you decide to adopt five siblings all at once?”

My only true answer is, “by the grace of God.” God is orchestrating this story, not us, we are only trying to obey in this crazy journey of love. Selfless love. Love as a verb. Agape.

How? How did I end up writing this story? When did buying bananas three bunches at a time become normal? I almost forget that just a short time ago this would have seemed absurd had someone told me that I would be doing these things today.

But as I reflect, if someone had told me 10 years ago that an unknown janitor would lead me, a die-hard atheist, back to church, and that I would come to believe with all my heart, mind, and soul that the Lord Almighty is the creator of Heaven and Earth, and that I myself, by the grace of God, would be given the gift of the Holy Spirit driving my heart for His Kingdom, I would have thought they were crazy! When did it become possible that I would be thought worthy enough to be called a child of God, much less a mother to nine children? How did this happen? But isn’t that how journeys are? Hindsight is always 20/20. At the start of a new journey you can’t see where the road will end. You don’t even realize the lessons you are learning until you look back.

As I look back, I see the lessons that I am learning that surround this Greek word, “agape”. Agape is defined as “selfless, sacrificial, unconditional love, the highest of the four types of love in the Bible.” As John tells us in 1 John 4:8b: God is love. It’s as simple and as hard as that. God is love. We are called to love. We are called to agape. And agape has nothing to do with emotion. It’s not the warm, fuzzy feeling you have for your loved one (although that can accompany it). It is a deliberate action. It is a choice. It is a principle we try to live our lives around. Selfless love in action.

Whatever gift you have been given, use it. Whatever talents you have, employ them. Whatever you have been blessed with, use it to bless others. Do your part. Live with purpose. Love deliberately.  Take a leap of faith! Stretch yourself! TRUST GOD! Know that God is with you. He will never leave you nor forsake you.

For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.     -2 Timothy 1:7

BE BOLD!

Stretch yourself and give thanks in all things, ALL things, the good and the bad. It is often through suffering that we are shaped and molded into who God is calling us to be. This process is not always easy. It asks us to move beyond our comfort zone.

Is this achieved by living in our own little bubble, predictable and perfectly planned, safe, isolated and surrounded by others who think and act exactly as we do? Or are we more like Christ when we are asked to stretch ourselves and we are called to reach out to someone who is different? Someone who may have dirty hands, or torn clothes, or smells of booze? Are we more like Christ when we are asked to tuck in our own child at bed tonight, or when we are pushed beyond our comfort level to tuck in a child at night that is not ours and may not even appreciate our hug goodnight?

And when? When do we make this leap of faith? When do we accept the calling that God has for us? When we have it all together? Right after we finish having children? After the house is sold? When we graduate? As soon as we pay off our debt? Let me say – there will never be the perfect time! God’s time is the perfect time. Listen to what He is telling you. Ask Him to clue you in.  He promises that if we sincerely ask, we will receive, if we seek, we shall find, if we knock, the door will be opened (Luke 11:9).

And then we have to trust and obey. We have to remember that if He brings you to it, He will bring you through it. God does not fail. I am reminded of the story of the apostles being persecuted for performing miracles and preaching about Jesus. They are brought before the Sanhedrin to explain why they continue to preach about Jesus when they have been forbidden to do so. As the Pharisees are discussing the situation amongst themselves, one Pharisee very astutely reminds them all that if the apostles actions are of men, they will eventually fail, but if they are truly from God, then they will never fail.

But if it is from God, you will not be able to stop these men; you will only find yourselves fighting against God. — Acts 5:39

I never want to fight against God. I have opened myself up to God’s perfect plans, instead of my own. I have asked God to use me in whatever way He has planned. I want to be His hands and feet in this world. I want to love as He loves. He has faithfully shown me the path to these five children. I would never have put myself here, but as I look back over all the years I see the pattern emerging. I can begin to connect the dots.

Does this mean that it’s easy? NO! Does it mean that I am always at peace with His plans for my family? Absolutely not! Does it mean we have it all figured out, nice and neat, with a ten-year plan? I wish! But I am comforted with the fact that Jesus himself pleaded with His Father at Gethsemane before His terrible suffering on the cross, “Father – if there is any other way!” (Matthew 26:39) God is big enough to handle my doubts, my questions, my fears. He tells me to cast my anxieties on Him (1 Peter 5:7). And that is what I am learning to do.

Romans8-28

I often find myself repeating, sometimes several times a day, “God, I am trusting You when I remember Your promise that You work all things for the good of those who love you.” So as I break up yet another fight over who gets control of the mega nerf gun I again pray this prayer, “God, make this work for the good of all these boys here. Turn this fighting into something that will benefit them all in the end. May these grumblings work to bring about an eternal knowledge of selflessness, sharing, unconditional love of others – agape.”

I remind myself that, IF WE LET HIM, He can take all things and work them for good. He doesn’t need us to be perfect. He doesn’t want us when we have it all together. He wants us now. He wants us to ask, to be willing, to participate. He wants us to start moving so that he can push us along a little more, a little further. He wants us to love as an action. As James tells us in the Bible, faith without deeds is dead. Love as a verb. Agape.

I went into this adoption with the mindset that I was rescuing these little ones for God’s kingdom, but the truth is, they are rescuing me. Rescuing me from my own selfishness, my own desires, my own pursuit of happiness and turning my heart towards His Kingdom, His desires, His righteousness.

And so to answer, “How do you do it?”

The answer would be,

I don’t. God does.”

It is truly only through His love that has been poured into my heart, through the power of the Holy Spirit, that I am able to pour that love back into the lives of His children. (Romans 5:5).

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and he will make your paths straight. — Proverbs 3:5

Not me, but Him…